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Subject: The Callisto who stole christmas

From: Bill Stuart

Date: 1997/12/12

Newsgroups: alt.tv.xena

The Callisto who stole christmas

Twas the night before christmas,And all through the land,
Not a creature was stirring except a cute blonde Brigand.
All the villagers had been hung over a deep recess,
In the hopes that one of them knew where to find the warrior princess.

There arose from her tent a hideous screech,
The warrior Callisto had discovered a breach!
That annoying blonde girl had run off with a horse,
She had listened and written down Callisto's planned course

The blonde lunatic leapt onto a sled,
The prisoners who pulled it trembled with dread,
"On Braxus, on Sarius, On Donrius and Blitzem!"
"On Cometus, Prancer and Vixus!" she screamed as she whipped em

On through the night the sled did lay chase,
But the horse was too fast and soon won the race.
The blonde girl had escaped to a keep on the hills,
Callisto waited outside and gave everyone chills

"I'll bet they're inside having roast who-beast and trimmings!"
"I bet they're just so joyous, they are positively brimming!"
"I'll spoil their little holiday!" She said, hissing
"What fun will it be when everything's missing?"

She ran through the town with her cronies in tow,
Kicking down doors and windows and throwing things into the snow.
When they came to the last little house,
Callisto heard a sound like a squeaky little mouse.

"Hewwo misses Santa claus" said a little girl shyly.
Callisto stood before her with her entire bandit army.
"I'm not santa or his fat little wife,
"I'm going to take everything, maybe even your life!"

Callisto tossed aside little cindy-lou,
It was easy as she weighed only eighty-two.
She ramsacked the house and took everything there,
Right down to the last morsel of delicious jugged hare.

"Then on to the keep! The glorious keep!"
"There laies Xena and that annoying little creep!"
Callisto knocked ever so politely, and said with barely a peep,
"Hello, it's Miss Santa claus, can I come into the keep?"

The annoying blonde girl opened the door,
With a bang in the head she lay on the floor.
The army of thieves tore through the place,
Not even Xena could slow their pace

Callisto watched as the battle ensued.
Xena was overwhelmed and didn't know what to do.
She had been totally disarmed and was standing with dread,
Her sidekick had been disabled by a kick to the head.

Then Callisto heard a sound that started out slow,
She listened with interest as it started to grow.
From out of Xena's mouth came a battlecry so wild,
Soon many of the men were laied down in a pile.

"I don't beleive it!" said the christmas gift bagger,
"She's fighting without Chakrams, swords, or even a dagger!"
"She's taking them all with just a few kicks!"
To make matters worse she had grabbed a large pick

Callisto withdrew her sword and was about to attack,
When she saw a sight that made her step back.
There on the floor near a gaudy christmas tree,
Was a teddy bear, all white and fluffy.

"I bet it's been left for that spaz Gabrielle!"
"I'll set it on fire and send it to hell!"
She grabbed it with one hand and was about to light it,
When she stopped dead in her tracks and became very quiet.

"Stop that fighting! I don't care how!"
"We've got to give back what we've stolen and we've got to do it now!"
"Re-hang the decorations! Put back the mistletoe!
"I can't explain why, just do it!" she did bellow.

Xena and her recently recovered sidekick looked on in awe,
Could this be the same Callisto who had kicked Gabrielle in the Jaw?
The blonde warrior was a happy young fool,
Hugging everyone, especially the traumatized cindy-lou.

While the celebrations were going on, it was quite a scene.
The blonde warrior, as it turns out, was no where to be seen.
Was she scaring the children all tucked in their beds?
Was she walking in graveyards and cursing the dead?

No, Callisto was tucked in a corner all alone,
Tears fell from her eyes and in candlelight they shone.
As she read the tag on the teddy she didn't look at all glum,
"Callisto, I miss you very much. Love Mom".

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