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Gabriellelover25 wrote:

I hope you guys can work it out, but to be quite honest, waiting around for things to change here is just a waste of time. I think that the student visa is a really good idea. I mean isnt being together worth busting your asses and doing whatever it took? I did whatever it took to be with Lina, although we dont live an ocean apart, had we, i would have done everything it took to be with her. If it meant getting 2 jobs to save the money to pay for a visa. But good luck to you two. Hope everything works out.

Gabrielle Lover,

It seems we've had this conversation a number of times in this thread. I have tried to look at your suggestions and advice in the past as you trying to be helpful, but at some point it becomes not helpful, but hurtful, and I am really getting tired of explaining why all these things that sound so simple, are not, in reality, simple at all. I've had to do it a number of times, and while I appreciate people's suggestions and ideas, if I say there are things we cannot do or aren't an option, it has nothing to do with how much we care or want to be together, or how hard we want to work for it.

As I've said before, I've looked into a student visa, and it's not an option right now. If it were something I could "bust my ass" for, I would in a heartbeat. Your posts imply that we perhaps don't care enough about being together to make it happen. Well, barring doing something illegal, living like criminals, and risking never being able to live in the same country as one another again, there IS no fast or even viable solution right now. I really don't appreciate the implication that if we cared more, or loved each other enough, or busted our asses more, we could be together right now.

I think it's easy to say "Well, if I were in your shoes I would do such and such." It's impossible to say really, unless you are literally in someone elses shoes, what you would do. It's great that you and your gf live in the same country, you had a great job that transferred, and it all worked out for you both to be together. I'm happy for you both.

But there are individual circumstances that aren't always obvious- such as the fact that I have children, and temporary custody of my nephew, that make me moving overseas impossible in the near future. And, as I have several friends who are in the same exact situation (same sex couples, one from the U.S. and one from the U.K), they don't have any easy answers either. One of them finally got married here in Vermont, and then are working to move to England, but even that is proving very difficult and takes a couple of years, and they are living apart even now, as a married couple. The fact that neither one of us has money or a great career right now, or that we are both going back to school, doesn't help, but these are things we're working on, of course.

In the meantime, some things are worth waiting for, and I will wait, and work, and do everything I can to be together with her one day. I love Leigh more than words could ever describe, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with her, loving her. If that could start tomorrow, I would be the most ecstatic woman on earth! But we are doing "everything it takes" to be together. That is all I can do at this moment.


By the way- thanks Storm...and awww, Sara! I'm so happy for you two! I can't wait to see pics and hear more about it. I know it's so tough to say goodbye though. Welcome to the transatlantic lonely hearts club.

thanks guys...and I didn't mean to escalate anything in here. Sorry if I got a bit defensive, and dampened the mood in here.

We all have our individual struggles, no matter what the circumstances. And we really cannot judge anyone else for what they have to do or go through. Even for overseas couples, each one's circumstances is totally different, there really is no point in comparisons.

But it is hard, and it does hurt, being so far away from the one you love. Leigh and I have been together for almost 15 months, and we've spent 6 days together in real life. And it will be at least 4 more months till we can visit again, it looks like.

This should be a thread about love and support, and for the most part, it has been.