For the past week, my mom, brother and I have been planning to head up to the mountains tomorrow for the day to spend some time seeing the sights. I have
been pretty excited about it just because I've not been up there in a while, and I'm now obsessed with photography and I just love the opportunity to
take some great photos (as well as just enjoy the place). Tonight, I heard that dad would be coming along too and I started thinking that the trip wouldn't
be the same.
This got me thinking about how my relationship with my dad is different than my relationship with my mom or even my brother (younger brother, btw). I feel more
at ease around my mom and brother than I do around my dad and I'm not sure why that is. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I simply spend more time
with my mom/brother and that's how it has always been growing up. I enjoy spending time with both but I seem to do more with my mom than I do with my dad
(and share more things with my mom than my dad).
But on another note, this is the first time in a long time that the entire family has gone on a trip and I think it will be a nice change.
So, now I pose this question to you all. Who do you get along with better? Mom or dad? Do you feel more comfortable just enjoying time with one or the other?
Who do you spend more time with (or did, if you don't live with them anymore)? Are they both equal to you (meaning you are easy going or can open up the
same for both)?
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Mom or Dad?
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 Aurora Goddess |
Mom or Dad? |
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Administrator Olympian
Posts: 14402 (06/21/08 12:46 AM) XOC Designer
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 brabmuffin |
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Olympian
Posts: 17846 (06/21/08 1:13 AM) Lush in Command |
before my dad died I was always a daddies girl.... However it was my mother that I looked to to be my best friend...
After my dads death my mother and I hardly spoke at all and when we did, it wasn't exactly a loving convorstation... My mother and I only just got our relationship back with in the last few years.... And now it is gone... I have learned that it doesn't matter which parent you are closest with... It just matters that you love them and they love you.... Because you never know just how your last words will effect the one you love 
My mothers favorite quote ~I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it~ |
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elsieaustin |
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Two Star General
Posts: 2015 (06/21/08 1:38 AM) Ephiny's Sidekick |
 Brabmuffin, that was so moving...thanks for reminding me of what I have, and thanks for your stories. You and your whole family are in my prayers.
I'm Daddy's girl. I think a lot of it depends on--not the gender of the parent, necessarily--but who you're more like inside. I look like Mom and think like Dad. My brother Ryan is the opposite; he looks like a mixture of both our parents, but he "gets" Mom much better and she him. 
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TheJollyApe |
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Royal
Posts: 2265 (06/21/08 4:52 AM) XOC Forum Host |
I love both of mine to bits, and I often want to strangle both of them for being stupid i.e. just like me.
With my mum I have a more just love relationship. We don't share that many interests, but we seem to be able to appreciate most things we do together. She's probably the only person I spontaneously give hugs to every now and then for no other reason than I love her. As I've gotten older I think our relationship has become more mutual in the support provided though. When she has problems she can turn to me to vent and get some of it out. She's a very good person that I feel very protective of. Obviously she has her bad moments as well, but she's my mum... My dad on the other hand often drive me absolutely insane and he is a very flawed character. Yet almost everything I do I weigh against his support and pride. I know he loves me unconditionally, but I strive more to make him proud than I do with my mother. My dad is always the one I discuss study/work related things with and we share more interests. For example he was the one who at a very early age made me interested in History for no other reason than that he is interested in it. The reason I hate some of his bad characteristics is not simply because they are negative, but because I've picked them up as well. Which results in complexity, because even though others might see them as negative I am very proud of being like my father. Complicated I know. Good way of summing up my relationships with them each are; When I first came out, I did it to my mum. When I first started thinking about leaving home and country at 18 to study, I first discussed it with my dad. And to answer the initial question. Spending time without a purpose I feel more comfortable doing with my mother. Spending time with a purpose or activity I often enjoy more with my dad. (Sorry I went on a little. But believe it or not I'm actually missing them a little, haven't seen them since Christmas) Everything popular is wrong.  |
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Nanziniemi |
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Four Star General
Posts: 1637 (06/21/08 5:08 AM) |
it totally depends. If my mom is in her time of the month id gladly take my dad over her:P But if not id pick my mum she likes to go out and have drinks just
like me:) shes more like my friend than my mum. But atm.. def my dad! Im scared as hell of mom:P
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twinkletoes87 |
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One Star General
Posts: 857 (06/21/08 7:47 AM) Chaotic MisTiT of Love |
I didn't talk to either parents for many years but I'm a Daddies girl. He is really silly with me he doesn't have a great deal of money so its not
financial but he spoils me in other ways. Just this morning he took my car into the shop at 8am just because I'd had busy week was very tired an needed a
good sleep in that's love for you. I can't talk to him about big issues in my life such as sexual orientation its more a light relationship between us,
I visit kick his butt at PlayStation eat Chinese food and have a giggle. He isn't much of a hugger.
My mother and I are very alike physically, spirituality and emotionally. I can tell her anything but we are so frank with one another sometimes we clash, we don't see each other as often as we like but hug a lot when we do.
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PBODYMLI |
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Four Star General
Posts: 249 (06/21/08 8:03 AM) |
My Mom! She's amazing and she's like my best friend. I love my dad, but ever since the divorce, things just aren't the same.
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twinkletoes87 |
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One Star General
Posts: 860 (06/21/08 8:17 AM) Chaotic MisTiT of Love |
 Sorry,
 PBODYMLI, I  your keepership! 
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wlfeyes |
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Four Star General
Posts: 280 (06/21/08 8:36 AM) |
While my dad was still alive, I was daddy's girl. I only had him in my life for a short time, so I can't speculate on if him and I would be close. I
can "guess" that he might not be happy with my orientation, that's becuz I know alittle bit about his families tolerance. Doesn't mean it
would be true, but it's one thing I would worry alot about if he were alive today. My dad past away 3 days before my 5th birthday.
So, it's been my mom, grandma (she died when I was 11 or 12) and my aunt. I'm very close to my mom, as most people here know. I think she's mentioned in almost every post I make. Most people know that when my mom passes away, I won't have any family. I'm not close enough to my aunt to confide in her, and she doesn't like my orientation. So, there's a lot of tension. And now I'm crying and at work ... great ... glad no one else is here. Mom's been going thru alot lately, and I keep real quiet about things like this. I feel so proud of people on here that can share things like that with people, knowing I keep it all quiet, and inside. I go thru most of it alone. My choice, I know. So, I'm very close to my mom, and I think a day hasn't gone by in the last month that I haven't cried about something going on with her. wlfy
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PBODYMLI |
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Four Star General
Posts: 253 (06/21/08 9:04 AM) |
twinkletoes87 wrote: Thanks, it's okay. It happened six years ago and everything happens for a reason. My mom and I got incredibly close and plus I got the little sister I
always wanted.
Last Edited By: PBODYMLI
06/21/08 9:14 AM.
Edited 1 times.
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Drawing Blood |
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Moderator Royal
Posts: 3768 (06/21/08 9:09 AM) |
My mom. She's more easygoing and patient than my dad. My dad can be very witty and funny but sometimes he blows things out of proportion and overreacts.
Banner made by Pandora. |
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lucyxena2004 |
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One Star General
Posts: 1734 (06/21/08 9:27 AM) Gabrielle's Apprentice |
I'm closer with my dad. After my parents divorce, I was supposed to go live with my mom in a tiny apartment (we're talking living room,
kitchen/hallway, bathroom, bedroom) and my sister was going to stay at the house with my dad. I changed my mind though, because I was going to be going off to
college in a year, and my sister and dad were going to move to the town my college is located in. So, I decided to stay put with them, which hurt my mom. I
felt terrible. But she used guilt on us a lot, and there was a time when I didn't see her for over a month.
My mom has some issues she's trying to deal with, and it's landed her in the hospital a couple of times, with me being the person who decides if she gets to come home or not. I live with my dad, and we don't exactly talk a whole lot, but I still feel so much closer to him than my mom. 
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JSolo1 |
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Commander
Posts: 430 (06/21/08 9:46 AM) |
I'd say I was a daddy's girl. When I was at home in "the Chi" with my four siblings, my Pops
used to take me everywhere! My favorite spot was the Museum of Science and Industry. I was adopted as an infant, and he and Ma used to tell me all the time
that I was special to them because they chose me. That was cool. However, the two of them split up when I was about 7, and my Pops and I drifted apart. So it
was only when the siblings and I got to be adults and marriages and grandkids came along, did I see my Pops change and try to reach out to the family again. He
passed away January 30, 2000 from mesothelioma, due to his exposure to asbestos. He worked for many years as a foreman supervisor in a tile company. I am
thankful that I was with him a week before he passed and I told him not to be afraid to let go and "cross over", and that my siblings and I
weren't angry or disappointed with him. I told him that I believed he did the best he could. Then he did something totally uncharacteristic of him...he
cried. My Pops wasn't a guy who showed his emotions easily. I'm kinda like him in that way. R.I.P. Pops, love always.
My mom and I are like best friends, we talk about anything and everything but that's another story for another time. Respect, Solo 
  
"If music be the food of love, play on" -William Shakespeare "Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life" -Berthold Auerbach "Music is the language of the spirit. It opens the secret of life, bringing peace, abolishing strife"-Khalil Gibran "Without music, life would be a mistake"-Friedrich Nietzsche 
XOC love to Sais08 for keeper
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skalpro |
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One Star General
Posts: 126 (06/21/08 11:35 AM) |
MOM... MOM... MOM.... Sorry for all the daddy's girls out there.... I am about to sound really ungreatfull... but My dad's an ass... he is not abusive
or anything... but I only exist to him now that I am an adult and I don't need him or his money.
   Thanks for my keeoership and banner witch are by Aurora Goddess, Avatars by Cila "The fact is I am not having sex. But I feel absolutely ripe for the ? what would you say ? plucking?"  Angelina Jolie
Papi To Alice: "Let me help you say my name right...you might need it later" |
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Daughter of Tiaran |
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Administrator Moderator Four Star General
Posts: 3503 (06/21/08 11:36 AM) Caesar's Ghost |
*Much* better with my dad. My mom and I are basically estranged. She divorced my dad over ten years ago, and since then her behavior has become increasingly
erratic, irrational and self-destructive. She's alienated most of her former friends, as well as all of us kids. My sister has sought counseling because of
her and has declined to even give Mom her telephone number (although Mom managed to find it out anyway, and manipulatively called Sis just to make her point).
Mom's behavior worries me a lot, because I think I can see some of her self-destructive tendencies in myself, and it makes me afraid that some day I might
end up just like her. (One of the reasons, among many, why I don't drink even a drop.)
While not without flaws, Dad has been a port of stability and sanity for us children since the divorce. I'm not as close to him as I used to be, partly because I live much farther away now than I used to, but I was quite the Daddy's girl for a while. JSolo, that's a very touching story about your father. It's wonderful that you were able to be there for him in his last moments. Thanks for sharing. 
"Sometimes a thing gets broke, can't be fixed."
--Kaylee, Firefly 
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Nanziniemi |
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Four Star General
Posts: 1657 (06/21/08 11:54 AM) |
Hmm right now its a equal battle between mom and dad. Went fishing with dad.. had weir scandinavian liquor and got drunk with mum:P
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LadyKate63 |
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Administrator Moderator Olympian
Posts: 79976 (06/21/08 1:15 PM) Xena Studies Ph.D. |
First of all, thanks to everyone who have shared deeply personal stories about their relationship with their parents.
to everyone who has lost one or
both parents, or has been deprived of a good relationship with one of them.
It would be really hard for me to choose. I have always had a good relationship with both parents, obviously we have arguments sometimes but I'm very close to them both. So... equal. 
See my artwork and fanfiction at The Muse's Corner * Visit Xena Online Community Keepership and sig script by Nutty, banner by Aurora Goddess, Avatars by Cila |
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everhope |
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Two Star General
Posts: 1787 (06/21/08 2:10 PM) |
My dad left when I was 11 months old, so I don't know him. Therefore my mother, but me and my mother don't always get on that well, so hah.
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absinthe angel 777 |
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Three Star General
Posts: 2030 (06/21/08 2:27 PM) Dark Angel |
From the time I was born, I always locked horns with my father. I never knew why. He spent alot of time with me and took me on walks in the woods and showed me
all kinds of cool stuff about nature and knives and trivia and stuff. In spite of that we always argued alot when I was younger.
It occurred to me as I got older that I was just like him in so many ways. I inherited so many personality quirks from him too. I think that's why we always argued. I saw myself deeply in him and he saw himself deeply in me. It's kind of weird when you see someone up close who has all your flaws as well as your fine points. It makes you hyper critical of that person because you know things about them that nobody else would ever notice or ever see. Once I realized that we argued because of similarities rather than differences, I relaxed and got along much better with my father. Now I am very close to him. |
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sarinou |
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Three Star General
Posts: 2403 (06/21/08 2:38 PM) |
Definitely my mom. I have a very strange and almost painful relationship with my dad, especially now that my parent's are divorcing. I think it might be
because I lived alone with my mom for 4 and a half years (from when I was 3 to 8 yo). After that we never had a "normal" father/daughter
relationship, we're whether too distant or too close. He's really not a talkative guy and I don't mean that negatively, some people just don't
like to talk that much and that's just fine. The problem is that it's not the case here. He doesn't talk to us (i.e. my sister, my mom and me) but
he's ok with talking to others and that brought him to close himself up in his room and start chating on the internet wich led to him meeting other women
and well...that's what ruined my parent's marriage.
On the other hand my mom's just the opposite, she's really chatty, honest and prefers to have a good fight once in a while if it allows things to get better afterwards. I'm not saying she's perfect, she's not, really not  She's too stubborn and has a very strong personnality wich sometimes
can bring us to clash. I say black, she says white, I say no, she says yes and so on until we have a huge fight and end up yelling our lungs out. The good
thing is she's not rancorous at all so she's usually the one making the first step to reconciliation.
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everhope |
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Two Star General
Posts: 1788 (06/22/08 2:03 AM) |
sarinou wrote: Your mum sounds very similar to mine, and the relationship we have. It's very love/hate. But I agree sometimes a good arguement helps to relieve
tension, I hate being given the silent treatment.
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