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TheJollyApe wrote:

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Slightly OT, but that is another interesting discussion not necessarily just linked to X/G, but our Western perceptions and society in general. The fact that we more often than not separate the terms lover and friend. It really is interesting that we have such a perceived clear distinction between the two and at the same time we use terms like girlfriend/boyfriend to refer to people we share a physical love with.

In relation to Xena it is especially interesting seeing how we have X/G which are supposed to represent ultimate friendship without ever being explicit about their relationship being of the physical kind. On the other hand you have Xena/Ares which are supposed to represent ultimate lust while completely lacking any type of loyalty and or friendship. Well kinda anyhow.

How come we separate the two and why?

Well, Jolly, I never got the 'ritas so I may not wax very philosophical, but...here goes nothing.

If you speak of Western society as "American" society, I think we Americans sometimes have skewed ideas about relationships anyway. As a very prudish people, all relationships become suspect of being something "more" if any two people get too close. I think someone else mentioned something similar to this. I've known a few Europeans and traveled to that part of the world so my ability to speak on that part of Western society and its views on relationships is limited. What little I know, it seems that Europeans in a general sense have a much more fluid concept of friendship, where it can be sexual or not. I guess in that light it's easy to see X & G as having a deeply romantic friendship that doesn't involve sex.

For me, it's hard to see a friendship that is that deep being non-sexual. Maybe because I've never had that kind of friendship.

Interestingly enough, back in the 19th century, romantic friendship in America (i.e. Boston marriages) was not only acceptable but encouraged. However, there very well could have been a sexual element to these relationships and we'd never know. Some people were simply bondmates for life and seen as married as any heterosexual couple.

Sex eventually becomes unimportant in all intimate relationships over time. I heard a saying once that basically said that you better make sure your lover is also your friend because when your old you won't have passion so you better have something else. We never got to see X & G get to that point. In fact, I think we only got to see the beginning of what could have been a very long, enduring relationship had things turned out differently.

In a less philosophical light, I simply think we can't pin down their relationship as just friends or definitely lovers because the writers weren't free until near the series end to even explore that possibility. They had to play with the "are they, aren't they" issue so that the series could go on. Even by the end, they were so used to playing the delicate balance that they just went with it. After all, it's how many years later and look at how freaked out people get over two women kissing on TV (example, Grey's Anatomy this season). Imagine what would have happened then. Unfortunate and terribly sad, but true.