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I understand, Gravitystar...I've written very long posts about my life (and then GWAC told me to quit apologizing for posting in my own thread, ). It's okay. Not only do I enjoy being able to write back to you + everyone else, but you've brought up a subject that I've done a lot of struggling through (and probably will continue to do so)--what it means to have an obsession and how to integrate it into the rest of your life.

I like having an obsession. It fills my time. Some of the time I feel it's there to occupy me whilst I don't have a girlfriend to concentrate all my time on. But it does keep me happy. Whether staying in this little world of my own is a good thing or not in the face of the world I don't know. Sometimes I feel so out of touch with reality it gets scary when I pull back...but to be honest I never noticed that until today.

I understand exactly how you feel.

That might get better with time all on its own, honestly. When I was first trying to adjust to my life in Arizona, and I was still quarreling with my parents all the time, there were many times when life itself just didn't feel real, but my obsessions were ways to keep the time moving anyway. You know the feeling--where you're in the state when it seems like there's only that one thing that matters, and everything else has faded away. (Have you read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? I thought that captured the feeling of having an obsession very well--the way Mr. Lovegood's story was real to Harry in a way nothing else was.) I think you'll find, though, that once things in your life are a bit more certain, you won't need the obsession quite so much, and it'll change. I know that when I first started posting on XOC, it was like I was wrapped in this little bubble that was the Xenaverse (and story-reality and regular-reality had changed places). It doesn't usually feel that way anymore. I can still get so caught up in a post that I'll be online for 45 minutes or more without even noticing, but now the Xenaverse just feels like a part of my regular day to day life. So yeah...just be patient with yourself. You've become aware of something inside yourself that is new and kind of frightening, but it's temporary.

LK, that's neat the way you described your academic interest taking over. I think that our society can sometimes put too much emphasis on quantity and not enough on quality of writing...I bet your book turned out wonderful. What was the subject?

Dahlaz, I'm glad you're happy in your work...hard to beat free cookies!!

And yeah, sometimes I feel guilty for that just because society seems to drill into our head we're supposed to be really ambitious go getters.

Oh, I know!! I have goals, but they're not career-related. It's weird because career-wise, I'm not doing nearly what I was expected to (I'm working in a warehouse as a temp)...but socially and spiritually, I feel like I'm succeeding, and that's all that matters to me at the moment.

Tinka, I can see some of your points, but I was going "what the heck?" at these last few:

6. Jeopardized or risked loss of significant relationships, job, educational or career opportunities because of Internet use.
7. Lies to family members, therapist, or others to conceal the extent of involvement with the Internet.
8. Use of the Internet as a way to escape from problems or to relieve a dysphoric mood. (e.g., feelings of hopelessness, guilt, anxiety, depression.)

Well...hmmm...I guess the Internet can be an addiction in that sense, but I don't think that was the sense that Gravitystar meant. We've had threads in the past asking whether we thought that XOC was a community--my personal opinion is that it is, that we're a very big, spread-out family. Is it possible to create personas that don't match who we are in person? Sure, I guess, but so far everyone I've met at a con or spoken to on the phone was exactly who they said they were. Internet relationships for me aren't a way to hide who I really am or to make up for social/emotional lacks in the 3-d world. (Actually, my 3-d world social relationships are going better than they ever have, which gives me more skills to use here, and vice versa.) They're...you know, when you're already a bit of a misfit (you have peculiar ideas about what a story is, or what you want out of life, or you're a deep thinker, etc.)...the Internet is a way to show you that you might be unusual, but you're not completely unique. I've found people I never would have met otherwise, yet who are a lot like me--and the Internet is a good way to break down some of the 3-d world barriers that prevent us from seeing each other as we really are. I email people who I know in the 3-d world. It's a good way to coordinate schedules, but it's also a good way to discuss some point or other in more depth.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that sure, the Net can be abused, but it's not a negative thing in and of itself. And if the community is part of your social world, Gravitystar--and it sounds like it is + we are--and I know we're all here for you--then it can be a very positive thing too, and not a distraction or a waste of time or ambition. I hope and pray you find your dreams.