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Actually I try to avoid being influenced from Xena's general worldview. While I doubt anyone here has killed people, you've probably done things you regret that you can't take back, or been in embarrassing situations that pop up in your brain whenever you mess up. But you have the option to push those images away.

Xena will never be happy with herself. At the end of the day, with or without Gabrielle's love, she won't open herself up the possibility that she could release everything that she keeps bottled up. Her mind is constantly filled with regrets that even years with Gabrielle can't erase. Throughout the series I kept asking why, if she felt she could never atone, did she bother fighting for good? What gives her the right to walk freely in the world swinging a sword against the same people she used to ride with? Because she thinks only she has the abilities to take on bad guys every day? Because she thinks commoners are too weak to fend for themselves?

Quentin Tarantino put it succinctly that Xena will always be paying ten cents on the dollar. People like her are never satisfied with what they do because they set impossibly high expectations of themselves, and they're the ones who feel shriveled and destitute at the end of day, content to stand by while other people revel in the results of their work but too proud to join in the celebration themselves. It sometimes seems like with anyone else other than Gabrielle, Xena doesn't want forgiveness, in fact she rejects it as demeaning, pitiful, even a weakness. Spare her your pity but let her help you anyway. By not allowing forgiveness, it permits her to hold onto that pain, rage, and guilt, and channel it into her weapon. It's a wonder she never got ulcers.

I take from Xena the ideas that one way or another you should make up for mistakes you've caused, but I stop it there. Long after you've had those shameful moments but people have forgiven you for them, the only person affected by reliving or re envisioning those moments is you. If you constantly see yourself as a monster, you have the right to stop it one day, and if you don't you're probably going to end up hurt or worse by no one's fault but your own, especially if support is rejected.

But I enjoy the idea that you can make a difference in the world because you are different, because you bring a unique identity and unique abilities to the table. The bonds you share with people are distinctly your own, and the courage to stand up and protect those bonds elicits no greater sacrifice.