LadyKate: I think CG's mom is being rather unfair, though, is the whole "If you do something I disapprove of, then you're essentially saying 'Screw you, mom'" thing. Unfair and, dare I say, rather manipulative. Because that's beyond just expressing disapproval, it's an attempt to emotionally coerce your grown-up child into doing what you want.And I hear what you're saying but I believe to be independent you can't allow yourself to be emotionally coerced else there are lots of people out there who will do it besides Mom and their intentions won't be because they care. CG's mom is spewing simply a mother's desperate attempt to direct her daughter to decide what she strongly believes is best for her daughter. Other manipulative coercing people in the world don't have someone's best interest at heart and to me its different because as I posted before I am quite sure her mom will get over it, even forgive and forget whatever decision she makes showing the mom's attempt she'd take it as a "screw you mom" basically a weak bargaining chip if you think about it. It's words...just words ---doesnt even really mean in the mom's case to mean what it says since she's just using whatever she can muster from an arsenal of words that only equal desperation. It doesnt bear the same threat meaning, same weight as someone else saying they'd take it as a "screw you" because as I've said is CG's independence lies in her own hands and hers alone. It will take time for the mother bird to get over her daughter/son leaping out of the nest and there will be lots of unhappy words spoken during the transition. But all of those kind of words, hurt feelings and expressions will pass quickly and the devoted love of a mother will prevail as evidence of how weak after a child is grown such threats are really.
And ironically ---those hurt feelings during transition somehow turn into pride realizing your child has taken control aka become an adult at last. AS I said -parents wont do it for the children -it's in their hands (it wont be given, no parent turns loose easily so often it has to be taken). It took me some time mind you but in the aftermath, I now know my boys had to take it and accept I just wasn't ever going to face giving them independence, more the ole' can't see they are grownups. It's a kind act to do it for the mother if you ask me (which you didn't but I added it anyway).
I still haven't discussed it with her again yet, but I think with all the great advice you guys have given me, it'll be easier to
make her understand my position.
