Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (KiraChi) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 12:38:37 GMT

I just read this and I'm sorry to hear you are in such a binding situation CG.
My parents have had to put up with me getting attached to various things over the years so they have accepted it easily.
They don't get why I like Xena and raised eyebrows when I said I was going to a con, but at the end of the day my dad loves motorbikes and my mum loves making crafts, they each have stuff they love and spend money on and to me Xena is just that.

But I agree with LK and...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (ChakramGoddess) — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 10:01:43 GMT

Thanks, Alicia. I still haven't discussed it with her again yet, but I think with all the great advice you guys have given me, it'll be easier to make her understand my position.

One thing you could tell your mom is that rooming with people from XOC at the Burbank hotel isn't any more risky than moving into a dorm room with someone you've met in letters, you know?

That's a...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (elsieaustin) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 23:28:12 GMT

Hey, I'm finally able to leave you a comment (with some kind of substance!) How are you doing? Is day to day life back to its regular routine for you? I will remember to pray for the two of you.

I really appreciate the way you're trying so hard to see your mom's feelings in the whole matter. I think it's sometimes hard to give advice on the subject, since we've all been so colored by our experiences with our own families. I've appreciated reading the advice...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (LadyKate63) — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 05:12:49 GMT

I agree, DoT.

Which is not to say that I think CG's mother is a bad person, or anything like that. I just think that this does sound like it's more about her needs than about her interest in CG's welfare. Even if the mom herself thinks it's the latter.

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (Daughter of Tiaran) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 21:26:56 GMT

CG's mom is spewing simply a mother's desperate attempt to direct her daughter to decide what she strongly believes is best for her daughter. Other manipulative coercing people in the world don't have someone's best interest at heart and to me its different because as I posted before I am quite sure her mom will get over it, even forgive and forget whatever decision she makes showing the mom's attempt she'd take it as a "screw you mom"...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (Rangerwolf) — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 20:49:10 GMT

It is tough when loved ones think you have zero clue about the world, no matter what age you are. Are there creeps on community boards, no doubt, but the majority of the folks here strike as great folks whose love of a common thing binds us together. As suggested, remind her she taught you well, and you should be permitted to live your life as well as you can. Death comes too soon for all us, from the youngest to the oldest, and you should live with joy and passion. Rangerwolf

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (TheEpTalk) — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 13:56:10 GMT

LadyKate: I think CG's mom is being rather unfair, though, is the whole "If you do something I disapprove of, then you're essentially saying 'Screw you, mom'" thing. Unfair and, dare I say, rather manipulative. Because that's beyond just expressing disapproval, it's an attempt to emotionally coerce your grown-up child into doing what you want.

And I hear what you're saying but I believe to be independent you can't allow...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (LadyKate63) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:37:12 GMT

I think anyone who is close to you -- parent, relative, close friend -- has the right to voice their opinion about something you're doing or planning to do. I remember that once I considered bidding on an expensive piece of Xena memorabilia and a friend (from this board ) basically said, "Are you out of your mind?" And yeah, I actually greatly appreciated the reality check....

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (Daughter of Tiaran) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:30:28 GMT

I second LK's and GWAC's points. My dad stopped trying to forbid me to do anything when I moved away to college. At some point, parents have to recognize that their offspring are grown adults and treat them as such. Yes, as LK said, parents do have a right to express their disapproval if their adult offspring is doing something they don't care for, but the manipulation--not really okay, in my book.

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (GirlWithAChakrem) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:15:04 GMT

Personally I just have a bit of a problem with anyone being my age and still being told by there parents "not to do something". Enless of coarse it is her money being used, then she has every right. I know im thinking from my point of veiw here and not a mums, but I have friends this age who have houses, kids, marrages! Shesh could be worse, a kid cost alot more to bring up than it does to go to a con.

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (LadyKate63) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 02:02:32 GMT

Hey EpTalk,

Good to see you in The Lounge.

I think you make a lot of excellent points, but there's something I'd like to point out. Yes, of course a parent has the right to disapprove of a decision made by an adult daughter or son, and to express that disapproval. Where I think CG's mom is being rather unfair, though, is the whole "If you do something I disapprove of, then you're essentially saying...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (TheEpTalk) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:57:11 GMT

You're welcome ChakramGoddess,

Well I did say ="the road to independence lies in your own hands, not in your parents hands."
You say="tell her I understand how she feels, but I've thought this through and I'm going to do it."

So....Kudo's to you friend ! and again ---best wishes/good luck

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (ChakramGoddess) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 00:31:39 GMT

Thanks for the advice, EpTalk, but I really don't think there's any way my mom will go to the con with me. I realize now that I wasn't particularly considerate of her POV, though. I'm going to wait a while before discussing it with her again and then do what a lot of you have suggested - tell her I understand how she feels, but I've thought this through and I'm going to do it. And I'll definitely show her those videos so she can see what awesome people you all are....

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (TheEpTalk) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 00:01:08 GMT

Greetings Chakram Goddess,

First you will notice I never comment in the "Lounge" topic as a norm but I read often. You've hit upon a subject I hope my commenting simply helps because I in no way want to influence or direct you in any manner in your relationship with your mother.

That said.......mother's are "protective" -yes. To protect they will "manipulate" but do not do so in the bad sense of the meaning instead to direct/influence...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (InkyBlue) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:25:24 GMT

CG, I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm the same age as you and still my parents try to control me and it drives me insane. At times we're close but there is still so much they don't know about me, but they think they do, anywho. I told them I was going to the Xena convention, I didn't ask like I would have done like two years ago, I actually told them that I was going.

My dad wasn't happy about it and still isn't to this point but my mum...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (Little Godling) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 01:59:28 GMT

elsieautstin, you are not alone with that theory. I feel exactly the same. I believe that if people are meant to be together they will meet however they meet. My mother was a bother with that part. Sometimes she just goes on and on about my personal life. Especially my relationships, she talks about everything.

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (elsieaustin) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 09:29:24 GMT

Yeah, the "everyone on the Internet is a predator" attitude really irks me too. My theory is that relationships are relationships wherever they start, and the Internet is a really good place to find people who think the same way you do. You've gotten so much good advice on this one already, though. Do show your mom the videos! Also, you could show her some of the threads where we're just hanging out and being friends, or maybe invite her to an ep of the week chat? (I was...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (Aurora Goddess) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:30:44 GMT

That's a great post, MoyCullen.

You know, I think I have always had the good fortune, I suppose, to get along with my mother extremely well, and where she would always trust my judgment and not try to control my life too much in things such as this.

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (GirlWithAChakrem) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:10:04 GMT

I agree with everything thats been said here. Moy, you described her mothers side of the story really well and perhaps reminded us that there is another side, while still admitting that she shouldnt back down too much.

I definatly think that you should discuss whether or not you are travelling with other Xoc-ers and whether you'll be sharing with them or not. This way maybe you can let your mum maybe see pictures of them, or phone them while she is there. Its also a good idea to...

Re: Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (MoyCullen) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:41:57 GMT

ChakramGoddess: If you don't mind, I'm going stick up for your mother...just a tiny bit.

The most difficult thing a mother can do in her life is to let her children go once they've grown up. Even when their children are legally adults, its very difficult for parents to switch off their feelings of protectiveness and concern just because the government says they're old enough. Nothing devastates a mother...

Parents just don't understand

feeds@yuku.com (ChakramGoddess) — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 22:08:48 GMT

I thought this would be better off here than in the con forum because it's mostly about my personal issues, but if the mods disagree, feel free to move it.

My mom doesn't want me to go to a Xena con. Her reasons are as follows:

1) She thinks it's too expensive. Even though I can afford it now, she thinks it'll wipe out my savings and I can't convince her otherwise.

2) She doesn't want me traveling alone. I could understand this if...